insert title here
by Gentle Smile
Summary: Chap two is up! The Jakbox. Called so because Jak found it. Blackmail features prominently here. ated for swearing. POTATOES!
1. Default Chapter

Jak II is one hell of a game, isn't it? *everybody nods* And people like comedy, right? *everybody nods suspiciously* So what if they were like, combined? Eh? Eh? Yeah, I'll start you impatient git.  
  
OBLIGATORY LEGAL CRAP: Disclaimer: RuneAyame owns naff all. Not even a sheep. Not even a sheep. (Jak II comes under the term 'naff all') (So do the lyrics to that Fatman Scoop song)  
  
*************wooooprettystars*********************************************  
  
Chapter ONE! Yeah! Get in there! Woooo! You don't see many of them around!  
  
The Daxter, The Hoverboard, and The Fat Guy.  
  
Jak and buddies (I'm lazy) were conveniently hanging around outside. Conveniently for me, that is, 'cos I'm writing the soddin' story. Jak also conveniently had his hoverboard with him. Ah! I see you working out the plot of this chapter already.  
  
*cue sad violin music here* Daxter stared longingly at the hoverboard. Jak had never let him on it. He said Daxter was a liability because he had no insurance. Samos backed him up, saying Daxter was an unusually small runt for his species and could never steer one of those infernal contraptions. Torn pointed out that Daxter was a bit dim. Still, Daxter was a stubborn little git, and he wanted a go.  
  
Daxter's mind: We somehow need to distract Jak and grab the board.  
  
Daxter: How are we gonna do that?  
  
Daxter's mind: What are you asking you for? You don't chuffin' know!'  
  
Daxter thought about it for a while. Then he had a brilliant idea. A Baron- Electricity-Powered lightbulb popped brightly above his head with a stereotypical 'ping'.  
  
Daxter: Jak! Your shoelace is untied!  
  
Jak looked down. This is made doubly funny because he was wearing slippers.  
  
Daxter: Hah! Retard! *grabs board*  
  
Keira: Daxter! Don't do it man!  
  
Torn: Woah, popcorn moment.  
  
Samos: DAXTER! Get off the sodding board!  
  
Tess: Mr Sage!  
  
Samos: What? I said sobbing.  
  
Ashelin: You said sodding.  
  
Tess: Ashelin!  
  
Jak: I have no laces.  
  
Nearby Metal Head: *shakes head sympathetically*  
  
Meanwhile, whilst the others were busy telling Daxter to get off the board, he got on it. He felt the smooth metal gleaming under his tiny orange paws, and in his mind he heard angry, aggressive music, telling him to go, go, go, go.  
  
Daxter goed.  
  
Jak: Dude! Where's my board?  
  
Samos: Oh shit.  
  
Tess: Mr. Sage!  
  
Samos: What? I said damn.  
  
Torn: Bugger! I asked for buttered, not salted.  
  
Keira: Awww.......  
  
Torn: Yeah! £5.50 it cost me. I nearly smacked the girl behind the counter.  
  
Ashelin: Pray! Restrain yourself, Torn. Daxter just attempted a corner. He's heading this way.  
  
Daxter: Jak! Jak! Watch me take a U-Turn!  
  
Jak: NOOOO!  
  
Daxter was heading straight for Jak. Jak tried to run out of the way, but whichever way he turned, it seemed Daxter was still behind him, grinning manically, his rodent tongue hanging out and flapping somewhere round his ears. A string of rabid drool flew off the end of his tongue.  
  
Keira: *wiping head* Hmm? Must be raining.  
  
Daxter was determined to crush Jak. Jak had always been the big-shot, and the hero. Or, as Daxter cleverly called him, the zero. Now, Dax-to-the-Max was gonna take the blond ponce down. Daxter was burning down the track, thoroughly enjoying the chase but throughly disappointed that he didn't have a camera to catch Jak's facial expression for future blackmail.  
  
Daxter was nearly on him, when he something out of the corner of his eye. Actually, it covered more than the corner of his eye, 'cos lo and behold, there floated Fatman Krew, singing his luridly amoral song.  
  
FMKrew: You gotta fifty dollar bill put yer hands up! So I can steal it! Etc.  
  
A wicked idea popped into Daxter's head. Now him and that vast wobbling mass of high-fat additives were on the same ground, in a manner of speaking.  
  
Daxter changed course, heading straight for Fatman Krew. Sadly, his driving skills were predictably lacking. He chipped a lampost, knocked a pipe, whacked some poor pedestrian on the noggin, before catching up with old Blubberboy himself. The hoverboard was about to explode. Daxter let out a mad, banshee-like warcry, and zoomed straight into the Fat Man.  
  
There was a BIG MASSOF EXPLOSION.  
  
Then all was still.  
  
Jak: Daxter! You blew my board! You are so infantile.  
  
Daxter: I'm not infantile you stupid farthead.  
  
Nearby Metal Head: *shrugs hopelessly*  
  
***************************************** Note: Fatman Krew died on that day. He left a massive hole in the floor where he fell, and no-one ever got him out. Nobody liked Krew. The moment he got splattered by a rabid orange furball, everybody raided his bar and got hideously drunk. So everybody benefited from his death. Stay dead, Krew. No-one liked you. They only liked your booze.  
  
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Wooo! Chapter one is done and dusted! What did you think? I don't know what to think. I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference. Chapter two SOON. Watch this space. *Not literally. That's just stupid*  
  
'If you can read this, thank a teacher.' 


	2. The unidentifiable something

Well, hello again everybody. Sorry this update takes a bit long. Stuff happens. Been ill. Expelled a few gallons of mucus. But I'm a bit better now. I am never watching daytime television again.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Do I look like I own Jak II? Why thank you! But, sadly, I don't.  
  
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Chapter Two: Photographs are fun.  
  
Jak was walking down the sandy stretches of the pumping station, making sure he didn't step in the water because his legs would most probably dissolve. Crap of all descriptions littered the defiled area. He stubbed his foot on an unidentifiable piece of....something....... Since Jak was on his own, he began talking to himself. 'The Haven City Riviera? I don't THINK so.' He was in a bad mood. As you may well have read earlier, Jak had had his hoverboard BLOWN UP by Daxter. So now he wanted to be alone to sulk. He look down at the unidentifiable.....something..........  
  
We humans know perfectly well it was a camera. Jak didn't have a chuffing clue. He picked it up and looked directly into the lense. 'I haven't got a chuffing clue what this is.' His finger pressed the little black button on top. A BLINDING WHITE LIGHT burst into his retina and he fell back onto the sand screaming 'MY EYES!' When the annoying dots dancing in his vision finally disappeared, Jak stood up, and glowered down at the camera. To his pathetic astonishment, it gave a little whirr and out came a perfectly formed photo of Jak's left eye. The cogs in Jak's battle-demented brain began to turn. Button + Left Eye = Picture of left eye. The cogs in Jak's battle-demented brain turned faster. Press Button More + Scenery = More pictures. Then he began thinking PROPERLY. Button + Gullible Friends = Kaching! With an evil stereotype laugh Jak headed back for the glorious shit-hole known as Haven City.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~4 Hours Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jak: Hey, loghead! Take a peek at this! Samos: Jak! I told you not to talk like a retarded ghetto boy. Jak: Just look, mossball. Samos: *turns pale* Don't show anyone! I'll do anything! A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!'  
  
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Jak: Torn! I request your questionably masculine form over here. Torn: What did you say? Jak: Get your girly-girly-hairstyle over here! Torn: *whips gun out* You're dead. Jak: *waves a photo* No I'm not. Torn: N-no......you're not........  
  
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Jak: Ashelinsucksass. Ashelin: WHAT? Jak: Ashelinisacrumpetmunchingdonkeyface. Ashelin: FUCKING RUN DARK BOY! Jak: Nope. *holds up photo* Ashelin: Shit.  
  
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Flashbacks~~~~~the-screen-is-going-blurry~~~~~~~  
  
Jak headed to a little known bar aptly named 'The Little Known Bar.' Now Jak had power. He was going to publicise Samos's alter life. With the invention he had found and named the Jakbox. Oh yeah, he had a classy talent for names. Jak went in. The smell of puke and cheap beer fumes whacked into his olfactory organs. 'Bingo.' He said to himself. Samos was sat on a chair, draped in gold jewellery and 'entertaining' a group of women. He was obviously pissed out of his log. Grabbing another glass heemptied the contents down his throat and beard. A song came blaring over the speakers. Samos got up and began gyrating his hips to the beat. 'Oh yeah! Watch the daddy dance!' Turning his back on the giggling women, he shouted, 'Full Moooon!' The pants were down. *FLASH*  
  
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Jak then headed to the slums. Straight to the oracle. The sound of unbridled sobbing came from the innards. 'And then I stole a bag of plums........... The deep rumbling voice of the Oracle rang out. 'We all make mistakes.' Jak dived round the door . *FLASH*  
  
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Jak's final stop was at the notorious lap dancing club near the race track. Weaving his way through the cheering crowd, he angled the Jakbox, and took aim at a red dreadlocked someone...............  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Daxter: Woah!  
  
Jak was being rocked in a hammock by Ashelin, whilst Torn fed him grapes and Samos ran about with drinks.  
  
Daxter: What have you done that I seemingly never have screwball?  
  
Jak: I found the magic flash.  
  
Daxter: Sure you did, buddy.  
  
Jak: I found the Jakbox.  
  
Daxter: We're all proud of you, Jak.  
  
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Another one done. I'm feeling better now. I can eat full meals. So I'm back writing. I'll thank everyone who's reviewed next chapter. Well, chapter three will soon be up! I'm gonna eat my crumpets and think of idea thingies.  
  
'If you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, ORDER MORE TUNNEL!' 


End file.
